As the holidays are approaching, many of us are going to be met with those we love,  those we don’t, those that trigger, and those we could buy our peace from. It is a time in loss of self™ that you want to have the best stories,  life progress,  and absolutely no talk of how you may be flawed.  Many of you may even go lying just to avoid what you don’t want to deal with.  Isn’t this exhausting? So, where did it all come from?

If you go way back to when you were a child, and family was supposed to protect you. When your parents got around the others, did they act fake, get too drunk, or just leave you to fend off that perverted relative? You were alone with this “family”; nobody even knowing you just wanted to feel included, but yet they thought you were, just because they were.  It is hard to believe this is how “connections” are supposed to be made, and funny enough, if something went wrong, and you went for your parents’ help, were they too busy “connecting” to pay you any mind and/or said it wasn’t a big deal? Alone again.

Recently, I have been contemplating the concept of telling kids that it’s okay if people don’t like you because the truth is that if your parents weren’t worried about their “connecting” they would have heard your ask of help. If you weren’t supposed to be in a tribe, you would not have an innate desire for it. Also, if you were meant to be okay if people didn’t like you, then why does it hurt so bad? Why does it feel like begging at times? Why does it feel like a wrench in your stomach causing a nausea only your mind induces, and almost nothing can remove- why do you keep telling this family lie, that it’s okay if they don’t like you?

In truth, it is not okay.  If someone doesn’t like you, it hurts. From age 6 until you die,  it is something we all have to deal with… cope with… repress, or try to move on from. I can honestly say, watching it for the first time happen to a child hurts, and I can see why we say it’s okay; but, I know I could have lived a lot easier at times in my journey if I knew people liked me, didn’t have a problem with me, or just loved me. I tried my best to live authentically with my nose leveled out, but for some reason, the errors, anxiety, and desire bread a fear that I could not truly control.  Is this how you feel too? What do you think the root is?

I will tell you, it is because you fear being alone in an essence based level and because you have not been taught how to handle your emotions, nor how to emit the light of love in the face of adversity. In your run and hide technique, you sit in this family lie that it’s okay, but in reality,  maybe you need(ed) to hear no it’s not, but you are on a journey for your tribe…maybe, yes it hurt me too, but can you give love to someone right now to make your essence feel empowered.  It may never be taught or these statements may never bring hope to the masses, but somewhere inside this lie needs to stop. Even closing in towards 40, it still doesn’t make me confident that it won’t hurt again if I found I am not loved or wanted, what about you?

Let’s Continue The Resolution

PS: if you know someone struggling, in loss of self, going through heartbreak, or needing to understand love, share this resource with them!