Today, once upon a time I had a job at a Real Estate company. It was what I wanted, and I thought it was life’s big break for me to make the money, and uplift my family (plus my self-esteem). If you don’t know, a lot of the time moms get lost in their role, and lose themselves to the love they produce, and this was me.
Shortly after, I met my hiring manager’s wife, my other boss, and immediately I felt the tension. It was not responding to me and scheduling it in her calendar, having a stand off attitude while still trying to get close, and the most blatant when her best friend it seemed (the company owner) came in asking about me and hit me in the head with a pillow “playfully” as they commented on how I didn’t look as if I even had kids.
In this same conversation, my hiring boss spoke up for my skillset to the point I got uncomfortable, and shortly after I found his support (the one I longed for from a boss for so long) was not worth the effort. I wanted to be me, but who was I in this place? Where did I fit in? I didn’t blend well with the coworkers, and at one event, which I didn’t really want to attend, I felt their sentiments to me as well.
At this event, and moments after:
- They ALL walked away from me when I arrived at the table
- After working close to 70 hours for this lady who was doing a major project with the company, she stopped contacting me
- I walked in for something on my day off to find this lady having a meeting with everyone else in the group (I was never invited)
- If I was near, they never acknowledged me, or introduced me to people properly
See in all of this, I was just trying to find me, the 3D Renderer, lover of architecture, enthused home designer, and most importantly valued me. Unfortunately, like most of you, a brick wall becomes our face’s best friend, so what do you do? You become invisible. When you stop showing up as what everyone has seen you as, you leave room to show up as you.
End of the story is, I left, I still have the same feelings about houses, but I recognize value may not come the way our minds imagine, nor in the “life changing” way we believe, but in the essence of invisibility.