Yesterday, I wrote about how to come home after a mistake, and in it I stated coming home goes from an “I” to “them” perspective. This means that though a person wants to come home after a mistake, it is up to you to keep that door open for them. A lot of the time we want to be the person in control, and when someone harms or offends us, we lose that control, and we want to back away- fight or flight. The things with loss of self is that this person is either trying to protect you, themselves, or just carry the burden on their own, no matter how bad you want to help.

If someone who has made a mistake wants to come home, I want to share a couple of points that may help you through the process. They are:

• Hear them out on first contact, they are humbling themselves to reach out
• Know you have backed up emotions, so don’t be surprised if anger shows its face first, but remember after anger other emotions reside
• Allow this person space to speak, then make your decision
• Know both of you will have to repair and mend what has been broken
• Share your feelings equally, and honestly decide if it is best for them to be in your life again

I suggested in that post, that these individuals tell you that they want to come home, that they made a mistake, and that your forgiveness is a gift. DO NOT USE THAT AS POWER LEVERAGE! Your forgiveness is not to hold this mistake, or series of mistakes over their head, but to say my love is greater. My desire to be with you in a loving way is more. I want you just the way you want me. Forgiveness does not erase the pain, but says, I want to move forward, and I want to release these emotions for myself.

You probably have been holding negativity, sorrow, and anger inside for a long time, and that does take a toll on how your world works, so don’t think that forgiveness is just for them. It is for you too. Forgiveness releases the ill thoughts, feelings, and ego-based actions that derive from this, and make your life more peaceful. You do not have to dive right in, but heal yourself, restore your energy, and see where you want to go. The story of the Prodigal Son is one that I shared in that post, and to you I suggest to read it as well. Lean into God’s desire for love, compassion, and a brighter future, and see what may come, by allowing your loved one with loss of self to come home.