Once I told someone I cared about to stop crying because they weren’t a victim. They let their guard down in front of me, and from my fragility, I didn’t know pain could carry over decades. When I told them they should just get over it, with disgust and impatience for the tears and pain they felt, I sit here today to tell you that was not mine, nor is your place, ever. Today, learn how to speak to the victimized, even if that is yourself.
If you have a friend, or are one in loss of self™, there is nobody but you and your healing that dictates how long pain stays. There is nobody who can get you to stop feeling because that is life. When you tell someone to stop feeling you are asking them, better yet demanding them, to repress their emotions, become resilient, and do whatever they need to so that you can feel less stressed again. Many times hearing another, or helping them can be stressful because you are weighted by your own stressors. The thing is, that when you feel that way, you have to recognize that it is because you are carrying it all alone (married/not).
In life, you are not supposed to carry stress and pain alone because you are not equipped with everything. Yes, you have everything you need for the moment, you were made for the moment, or God will guide you through, but did you ever stop to think that another person is that piece you need? An encouraging word, sharing of life experiences, or them as the blessing God gifted you with; why could your solution not be another? Well, in this moment of life, I could have used my wisdom or encouragement. I could have shared how pain lingers at times, or how love is hard to replace, but I didn’t. I was not a blessing, but a hardened heart because I questioned if I was being emotionally manipulated, so I went to protect myself, even at the expense of another.
In my loss of self™ story, I needed to protect even at a young age, so my ego grew quickly, and painlessness was my goal. If you are trying to help someone through pain give them an ear for sound, eyes for being seen, and your heart for love because they truly just need to soften themselves. As I know how to walk you through if you are being manipulated; to help you stop it, give strategies to provide distance, or make a way to not be victimized, reach out. Rediscovering yourself just takes you, and as you grow on your journey, a partner will be a gracious blessing during rough times. As the victimized, being accountable for healthy boundaries is important, so with ample time in a day or a week, make the move. Choose to start living again, and reach out about rediscovery or helping another through the links below, so you can start loving again + improving your life.
CONFIDENCE + FAITH™ Can Help You:
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“I believe that if you understand your broken love, you can change yourself, your relationships, and the world.”
– Samantha Santiago, Ph.D., M.B.A.
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