In loss of self, knowing how to come home can be a life changing point. It is hard enough for people to admit that they are making a mistake, but when you want to get into the good graces of those you have offended, life gets a little sketchy again. So, for instance, if you lied, and you blatantly know you have made the other party mad, how do you come home? How do you fix it? Will your apology make a difference?

The mental state would tell you to hold your ground. The emotional state would say you are sad, but what are you going to do? When you want to come home in loss of self, after a mistake, you will have to come humbled because forgiveness is a present. When you lie, you have told someone you don’t trust them enough, you don’t respect them enough, and you don’t think they are valid of hearing your true thoughts and feelings. As you are probably protecting yourself in some way, the impacts on the other person are different.

That other person may be hurt or angered because they wanted to have your respect, bond, or build a better relationship; when you lie, a little bit of hope is chipped away, leaving that person uncomfortable at the authenticity of who you present yourself to be. The truth is your mistake may be greater than a lie, and you want to come, but again- how? The Bible has a story about the prodigal son. He took all his wealth early, left the family, and after squandering it his father was happy he was home, but his brother was angry as he carried the burdens in his absence.

In recognizing this story, understanding how to come home changes from a “you” to a “them” perspective. If you can come home, it is because someone else still wants to be your home. In this story, the father was thrilled his mistake-making son came home because my opinion, he knew he needed guidance. He knew his son wanted to change, but made a mistake. He knew that there was a chance to restore their relationship, and most of all his child showed that he still knew that his father was a safe space.

When you are ready to come home, be open, be accountable, and be brave. Say, “Hey [name]. I know it has been a while since I have probably been on your good side, and I want to make things better. I want to come home, is that okay?”. You may hear a no, and if so continue with, “…is there a way we could meet so I could share what I have been processing and apologize for a couple of things?”. If they say yes, or tell you to come home, realize that that person has a lot of emotion built up, you will take a small beating in a way (your insecurity, their words, or their quick tempter), but if you can give them space to process like you have, you will show sincerity, and that is true change.

Loss of self creates distance that makes asking to come home hard because you are embarrassed, or shamed, but you may have a home that is open, and awaiting your request. “I want to come home” may be even all it takes as the love has been waiting to over pour onto you. Take today and consider how you can make a change to go home, and see what comes!