Being terrorized by the tyrant of loss of self™ is the same as saying being reminded that you are controlled by fear, circumstances, repression, ignoring, avoidance, replaying of the scenario, and more. it is like living in a small black hole that keeps you safe enough to live, but not safe enough to live life again. When you have loss of self™, that negative event, life transition, or PTSD experience does not just go away, your senses have been terrorized by influx of emotion, visual/mental/physical violation, and at times you may disconnect from yourself to survive the situation.

Not every loss of self™ moment has to be this, but it can be the re-establishment of friends, when you move to a new state, or get embarrassed because you fart in the office and everyone started to spread rumors about you. The moment you feel that you can no longer be yourself, and have to live a life where you may be scared, this is where the terror creates a tyrant. The tyrant is not just because it happened, but because it won’t leave. In some events like death, divorce, parenthood, and such, those emotions have to leave, but who gets the blame for all of the change, sadness, and lack of life?

For most cases, I have found God does, When people get angry, or feel unjustified, their feelings towards God can change or be solidified in disbelief. It is as if, even if one doesn’t believe, they believe enough to be angry at God, and those that believe feel that faith alone should have saved them. The reality is, we all need a good villain to rationalize change in a way we don’t like. I mean, think of it, do you blame God when you get a new house or car, or your health check came up well? No, only do we use this blaming energy, or need to release what is bad when it doesn’t suit us. “If the loss of them is the reconciling of the world, what is the taking up, but life of dead men” (Romans 11: 15-16)? In loss of self™, this means that your event may reconcile something, for someone, somewhere in the world that God knows, but you don’t, and in your case, your loss [of self™] created you as a dead person that cannot live in authenticity, but ego/fear/negativity. So is it fair to say that as you feel negative emotions, injustice, and pain, that God feels the same about your loss of self™?

Is it fair to say that your loss of self™ creates a life of dead men, whether you believe or not because inner brokenness is the same within any person in any social class or lifestyle? I think so because “…for unbelief the branches be broken; but thou standest by faith.” (Romans 11: 20). The difference is with disbelief, “faith is from hearing” (Romans 10: 17) the stories from others, in addition to experiences. These moments provide the ability to connect to God, and your loss of self™ can be this reconciliation because without it, you couldn’t share your story, faith, or testimony.

In loss of self™ nobody knows God’s (or the universe’s) true plan, but in panic and confusion, you try to conquer your tyrant by “…seeking to make steadfast their own rightwiseness, but not subject to the rightwiseness of God.” (Romans 10: 3), and that means you are left trying to make sense of something that was never meant for you to truly understand. What would change if you remembered that God may be saying, “I put a stone of offense…a stone of stumbling; and each that shall believe in it, shall not be confounded, [or shamed].” (Romans 9: 33)?

God gives us what we can handle, “but in all these things we overcome for him that loved us.” (Romans 8: 37); so in your loss of self™ story, how are you overcoming for a love that is given to you in Agape? In Romans 12: 2, a little understanding is given, which shares to take the wisdom, become a new person, provide a channel for God’s will, and show that your “death” (or loss of self™) can be made for good. In your appreciation of your tyrant and the terrorizing for the sake of a greater good and redemption, maybe you may find a new purpose in yourself. Maybe your healing may occur quickly. Maybe your life will come up from that dark space and the world will reopen. See, in loss of self™ there is a reason you feel lost, stuck, broken, unloved, or without your light. It was never that you didn’t deserve it, but the need for you to add to the consciousness of us all.